The Perfectionist Trap
by Connie Glaser
Best-selling author and keynote speaker Connie
Glaser is one of the country's leading experts on gender communication and women
in leadership . Exploring communication differences
between men and women, Connie offers corporate seminars on effective communications
and overcoming barriers to leadership.
Do you ever feel that no matter how much you accomplish, it's just not good
enough? That regardless of how much you achieve, you could do more? Do you
find yourself focusing on the minor mistakes you made, rather than the major
achievements?
If so, you might just be caught in the Perfectionist Trap.
"Some women feel that they have to be perfect in everything they do
at work. They want all of their work and all of their ideas to be brilliant," reports
Carol Deutsch, a communications consultant in Asheville, N.C. Particularly
in a new job, Deutsch adds, women often hold themselves up to an impossibly
high standard of performance.
New jobs -- particularly when they are the result of a promotion -- can
be overwhelming and often cause women to doubt their abilities to perform
well. "So much to learn. So much expected. Maybe I made the wrong decision," we
often lament.
"The person in a new position may interpret her lack of knowledge about
the role to mean that she isn't qualified to perform," acknowledges
Joan Harvey, Ph.D., in her book, If I'm So Successful, Why Do I feel Like
a Fake? "She might even begin to believe she has misled her employer
about her abilities. These feelings of being incompetent cause the person
to try to be perfectionist. She doesn't want to make one little mistake because
she thinks that will be people’s clue to her tragic flaw."
The best way to avoid the perfectionist trap? Expect to make mistakes, and
forgive yourself when you do. Also, don't be afraid or reluctant -- as women
often are -- to ask for help or advice.
"When you move into a new position, seek advice from two types of people:
those who have many years' experience in a job like the one you will be taking,
and those who have recently made the transition," recommends Donna Hansen,
former police chief of Fort Myers, Fla. "The best advice I got came
from a police chief who told me, 'Go with your own style.' No one can really
tell you to do this or that -- you have to be true to yourself and do things
at your own speed. Moreover, it's important not to model behaviors you don't
like or that don't feel right, because that's what ultimately ends up giving
us ulcers, heart attacks, etc."
In summary, don't expect too much too soon -- either of yourself or your
employees. Take time to take charge. Get to know the people you'll be working
with. And realize that you will make mistakes, and they won't necessarily
stain your reputation or dash your career aspirations. By handling top-priority
tasks well and getting the word out to the right people, your occasional
missteps will be overlooked. Learn to live with the mistakes you've made … and
learn to move on!
