Boost Your Confidence Quotient
by Connie Glaser
Best-selling author and keynote speaker Connie
Glaser is one of the country's leading experts on gender communication and women
in leadership . Exploring communication differences
between men and women, Connie offers corporate seminars on effective communications
and overcoming barriers to leadership.
Learning to speak the language of power requires confidence. However, many
women are perceived as being deficient in this area.
For example, a survey of 8,000 men by Alma Baron, Ph.D., turned up seven
reasons men gave for not wanting a female boss. Topping that list was, "She’s
not confident" and "She doesn't have clout or real power."
But the bottom line in power communications is confidence. When you believe
in yourself and what you are saying, your voice, facial expression and stance
reflect that. So there's a catch-22 at work here, but help is on its way.
Here are some tips to help you boost your self-esteem as you practice sharpening
your communication skills:
Use a person's name when you are talking to him -- particularly if you've
just met him or don't know hiim well. Calling a person by name is the best
way to get -- and keep -- their attention.
Never underestimate the power of a simple handshake. According to Lester
Minsuk, an outplacement specialist in Princeton, N.J., “Since some
women have not been socialized to shake hands, they are often unsure of when
and how to do it, and their uncertainty may come across in their body language.
Yet if women, want to get ahead in business, they need to learn how to shake
hands confidently with fully extended fingers and a flat palm.
So make it a habit to initiate a firm and professional handshake whenever
you're introduced to someone or encounter someone (including another woman)
you haven't seen for a while. Also use it to congratulate others as well
as to confirm agreements.
Use specific (vs. general) language to get a point across. Specific language
entails words and statements that are short, simple, direct, familiar and
concise.
Instead of telling your staff, "I hope everyone will work together
to get this annual report out by the end of the month," say, "The
annual report is due on the 30th, and I need everyone’s notes by the
25th."
Or, instead of saying, "I think it’s time I got some time off," say, "Since
I put in 30 hours of overtime to finish the report this week. I'd like to
have Monday off."
Begin statements with I, my, I want, I need, as these connote power and
decisiveness.
Avoid verbal clutter when you speak. As speech coach Marion Woodall, author
of How to Talk So Men Will Listen, puts it, "Poor communicators tend
to talk in paragraphs. Successful communicators tend to talk in short sentences
and even in bulleted items." Thus, when you are pitching an idea, keep
details to a minimum.
